Class 22

01Jan09

Paper Problems:

There were a number of issues in the first draft of paper three, and we are going to spend the first  half of class today addressing those issues.

1)      Structure:

1. I had suggested that you spend 1.5 pages discussing a specific issue, topic, or problem that related to your culture.
2. I had also suggested that you spend the next 1.5 pages discussing how that same issue, topic or problem related to culture as it is represented in either Tuesdays with Morrie or Ancient Futures.

2)      What happened was this:

1. Some of you tried to talk about both cultures at once, which does not work.
2. Some of you provided long explanations of the issue, topic, or problem rather than explain how it relates to your culture.
3. Some of you are still using “American” culture as a term for your culture — that’s not correct for this kind of paper.
4. But the real failure for many of these papers is that you did not get specific about an actual issue, topic, or problem that you could discuss with actual specific evidence. You MUST be able to do this in this paper. You need to be as specific about your own culture as you are about culture in Tuesdays with Morrie or Ancient Futures.
5. Again, your culture is not your “national culture.” No, it is your personal and unique culture that we have been writing about and on for the past two papers. This is the culture you are referencing in this paper.
6. This brings me to my next point. We had talked about Topic Sentence, Supporting Sentences, and Transition Sentences. What we ALL need to do is have much better supporting sentences. We need to use specific examples and evidence to back all of our topic sentences up.
   1. i.      When we are talking about our own culture, we need to be focused on an actual specific event or events. We will mention it in the topic sentence.
   2. ii.      The supporting sentences need to provide actual specific evidence that details or further explain the event or events we mention in the topic sentence.
   3. iii.      The transition sentence needs to move us from one paragraph to the next.

Also, let’s consider the following:

• When we are focusing on another culture, we need to be using actual quoted evidence to back our claims up. Thus _must_ be done. Not done, not accepted.

Word repetition is still an issue: “I”

So, how are we going to deal with this?

Well, first, we are going to journal:

Journal:

What is the issue, problem, or topic my paper is focused on. How is it SPECIFICALLY represented in my culture? How is it SPECIFICALLY represented in the other culture I am considering? If you cannot answer these questions, you need to pick a different issue, problem, or topic.

Group Discussion, Individual Presentations

Class Discussion

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Chapter Three: Ethos:

For today you had to read and annotate chapter three. This chapter has a lot to do with the issues that I saw in the first draft of chapter.

If your audience is going to believe you, you need to be specific in your claims and evidence. This is the primary issue with the paper right now. If you are not specific, you will not be able to make your point—indeed, you will have no point at all.

How do we establish credibility in our writing?

1)      Let’s look over our annotations for chapter three? What caught our attention and why?

2)      How can we strengthen the ethos we are presenting in our paper:

1. Groups brainstorm for possible solutions and present on them

Redrafting Paper Three, draft due for next class.

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