Class 23

01Jan09

Last class, we spent a great deal of time going over the weaknesses I saw in the first draft. Those weaknesses included the following issues:

1)      Structure:

1. Some of you tried to talk about both cultures at once, which does not work.
2. Some of you provided long explanations of the issue, topic, or problem rather than explain how it relates to your culture.
3. Some of you are still using “American” culture as a term for your culture — that’s not correct for this kind of paper.
4. But the real failure for many of these papers is that you did not get specific about an actual issue, topic, or problem that you could discuss with actual specific evidence. You MUST be able to do this in this paper. You need to be as specific about your own culture as you are about culture in Tuesdays with Morrie or Ancient Futures.
5. Again, your culture is not your “national culture.” No, it is your personal and unique culture that we have been writing about and on for the past two papers. This is the culture you are referencing in this paper.
6. This brings me to my next point. We had talked about Topic Sentence, Supporting Sentences, and Transition Sentences. What we ALL need to do is have much better supporting sentences. We need to use specific examples and evidence to back all of our topic sentences up.
   1. i.      When we are talking about our own culture, we need to be focused on an actual specific event or events. We will mention it in the topic sentence.
   2. ii.      The supporting sentences need to provide actual specific evidence that details or further explain the event or events we mention in the topic sentence.
   3. iii.      The transition sentence needs to move us from one paragraph to the next.

Also, let’s consider the following:

• When we are focusing on another culture, we need to be using actual quoted evidence to back our claims up. This _must_ be done. Not done, not accepted.

Word repetition is still an issue: “I”

Journal:

Over the next 15 minutes, I want you to describe to me how the structure of your paper has changed since the last draft. Specifically, I want you to describe to me how you have improved the structure of the two halves of the paper and also how it is you went about incorporating more specific examples from both your own culture and from the texts.

Now that we have reflected on our drafts, it is important that we consider their content:

Peer Review:

Your goals in peer review today are as follows:

Length

Paragraph Structure (topic, supporting, transitions)

Sentence Structure:

Run-on sentences

Comma Splices

Introductory Elements

Now that we have finished the second half of the paper, we need to begin drafting the end. In the final page of your paper, you need to summarize the major similarities and differences between your culture and the culture you have considered. What can you take away or learn about both cultures from your observations?

Let’s begin to draft that document. An entire clean draft of the paper will be due next class.

If time permits, we will come up with arguments that use pathos and ethos.

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